I did not realize how much my regular checkups affected me mentally, until I realized I suffer from checkup anxiety.
It was almost three months since my last check up and over 8 months since I have needed treatment. Things were going rather well. I even managed to travel overseas with no hiccups. Life was good.
Then I received a text, a reminder that I have an appointment with my hematologist to attend.
I am not sure why but as soon as I received that text I knew I did not want to go.
It is a bit of an effort going in for a checkup. It includes driving out of your way, paying for parking, getting there early for your blood withdrawal, going to the hematology ward, waiting some more and then you see your doctor. Who will give you either the good news or dah dah dahhhhh the bad news.
Seriously, sometimes I just cannot pick where my platelet count will be. Might as well ask me to flip a coin and choose heads or tails. Heads meaning my platelets are over a safe zone (above 20,000 k) or tails meaning my platelets are below a safe zone (below 20,000k).
Nevertheless, in between the notification that you have an appointment approaching and seeing your doctor to confirm your results is checkup anxiety.
Checkups bring your condition to reality. A reality we often do not wish to face. And if you are anything like me with no real tell tail signs your below a safe platelet count, it creates so much uncertainty. Which in turn creates extra anxiety.
Before my doctor called me in, I was telling myself. This is just your anxiety talking you are going to have a good result. Nonetheless, my results came back not so crash hot. For once, my anxiety was right! Doesn't happen often but when it does my anxiety says "told you so"
Since that appointment, I have started rituximab treatment and it has been going rather well. However, let us get back to the topic on hand.
Checkup Anxiety is real! So I thought to myself how can I calm my anxiety before a doctor's appointment? and below you'll find some pointers to help ease that checkup anxiety you may be experiencing;
MUSIC – bring a set of headphones with you to your appointment. Whilst you are in the midst of waiting patiently for your name to be called music can be a nice calming distraction to take your mind off your soon to hear fate. I recommend putting in just one headphone (only one because you need to other ear to listen for your name being called).
PUT A PIN IN IT – Your mind will be running wild with thoughts. What if I’m low, what’s the plan, what if I’m admitted today, how to do pick up the kids, who’s going to cook dinner, what if they tell me I have to remove my spleen! Oh god please let me keep my spleen. But the reality is you cannot fight what you do not know. With this condition being so unpredictable we want to always, prepare ourselves for worse case scenario. However, without really knowing the facts you just need to wait it out. Easier said than done but try to think positive thoughts and address the negatives when they hit.
DO YOUR RESEARCH – I personally feel calmer knowing the different types of treatment available to me, their success rates and side effects. This does not completely prevent my anxiety but it does help me rationalize my next form of action if treatment is required.
BRING SUPPORT – If your anxiety is really bad, moral support is always helpful as their comforting presence and friendly conversation will distract you from your thoughts.
MENTALLY PREPARE FOR THE DAY – Anxiety gets worse if you are running late or things do not go to plan. So get up that little earlier to ensure that you make your appointment on time. To add always have your doctors card on hand so in the unfortunate event you won’t make it on time you can call to re-schedule or at least advise you are running 5-10 minutes late.