Often it can be hard to know what to say to someone who is struggling with their chronic illness. Apart from that sucks what can you really say? Well, below is a list of things not to say.
1) But you don't look sick - this is the number one (not to say) item. By saying this it implies that because the person does not look sick means they are not sick. So although in your head this comment may be positive, to the one suffering it can be seen as you are dismissing their illness and judging their condition based off looks.
2) Everybody gets tired - you are correct everybody does get tired, there is no human on earth that will not get tired now and then. But, there is a huge difference between tired and fatigue and unless you have personally experienced fatigue you may never understand how debilitating it can be.
3) You're just having a bad day - Let's just discuss the word chronic. Chronic meaning persistent/or reoccurring illness. That bad day, has turned into a bad few weeks, a bad few months and for some a bad few years. Don't dismiss the illness with a bad day!
4) It must be nice not to have to go to work - Nah mate it is not nice, it's stressful, especially if you need the money to cover your living expenses. Not to mention a day off at the hospital is not a day off. A day off is sitting at home relaxing binge-watching TV or going out to lunch with friends. A day at the hospital is waiting around, being poked and prodded, anxiously waiting to hear your results and hoping they come back good otherwise that day at the hospital can turn into a few days/weeks.
5) I wish I had time to take a nap - again back to point number #2 fatigue is not tired. A nap is not a luxury its not even a privilege it's a necessity.
6) It comes with age - sure as one ages so does their body and health woes that come with age. Nonetheless, age or no age. The person is in pain or suffering. Don't label it as "age"
7) It is all in your head - WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK, check yourself! I'm all for mind over matter however, the proof is in the pudding. If I ignored my condition and assumed it was all in my head, then I would miss my hospital appointments, not monitor myself or my condition and could potentially die. Ok well, maybe I am being a little dramatic - but if my condition is not monitored there are grave concerns.
8) You are just depressed - Yep constant hospital visits with no cure in sight may do that to someone.
9) There are people worse off than you - I couldn't agree more and my heart goes out to these people. But let us just take a moment not to compare apples to oranges and hear me when I say I am suffering. Please just acknowledge me!
10) You have to tough this out - trust me every day I am toughing this out
11) You just need a positive attitude - There is nothing more positive than someone who is living with a chronic condition and still waking up every day and getting on with things.
A rule of thumb here, just say wow, I'm so sorry to hear, is there anything I can do to help you. If you need someone to talk to I am here for you. (simple)
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